My Daughters Experence Due To Who Her Father Is.  

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I wanted to share this story of what happened to my daughter because of who her father was. I thought this was so wrong and made him no better than the inmates he is over.

My daughter is 15 years old and she met this boy that lives in Lyon County, Kentucky and they started what they call dating. He asked if she could come over to his house on Saturday and I said I would have to talk to his parents. I talked to his dad and he said it was fine. I explained to him that I didn't want them left by their self or to be in his room with the door shut. He said that he didn't allow that either and I let her go.

Well she went there and had a good time, we picked her up a few hours later and everything seemed fine. A few days later I was outside with company and my daughter Chancie came outside crying and really upset. I took her back in the house and calmed her down and she told me what was wrong. This boys father is a case worker at the prison and asked him what Chancie's last name was and at the time it was still Anslyn and he told his dad and his dad went and looked up Chancie biological fathers information and found out he had been in prison and at that one and why he was there and came home and told his son that he could no longer see my daughter or talk to her and told him why her dad was in prison and personal things that went on when me and her biological father were married. We haven't been married for almost 10 years now.

I asked this boy if all this was true and he said yes and even went into detail about some of the stuff his father had told him about our life with ex husband. I was totally shocked, for one that he would even look up my ex's file for his own personal reasons, second that he would tell his son personal things that he learned from this file and third that he would hold any of this against my daughter or me. His son and my daughter was both really upset about this and both were crying to me, which in turn got me really upset. His son asked me if I would talk to his dad and tell him my side of the story to see if that would help so I told him yes to ask him to come to the phone but he wouldn't even come to the phone to talk to me and told his son if he bothered him again about talking to me then he would take his phone.

I told his son that I would wright a letter and explain things to him and I did. I wrote a letter to him explaining mine and my ex's whole relationship what happened and that I was no longer married to him and hadn't been in years and that we had nothing to do with him any more. That my husband now was in the process of adopting my kids. His son continued to call my daughter and my daughter did the same.

I thought about it for a few days and just didn't think this was right and thought he had broke the law by some of the things he did so I called the prison and put in a complaint against him. They said they were going to talk to him and obviously they did because one day the boy had called my daughter and she didn't get to the phone so she called him back and his dad answered the phone and got really smart with her and told her to never call his son again. My daughter got real upset again and came to me crying and told me what happened and I called his house phone and a man answered and I asked for this man and the man got real smart with me on the phone so I figured it was him and I told him that my daughter just came to me for the second time upset for the way he was talking and treating her and he said I can't help your daughters emotional state which really pissed me off and I really wanted to tell him off but I kept my cool and said you can if your the one doing the stuff to her making her upset and he hung up the phone on me.

A few days later I received a letter from Lyon county attorneys office saying he said I was harassing him and that they would not tolerate it that my family or me could not contact him or his WORK. I thought this was so stupid. He just did this because I called his work and turned him in for doing something illegal and was afraid he was going to get in trouble. This is a prison official that oversees inmates and he is breaking the law just as much as the inmates he is over.

So I called the governor's office and the Office of Corrections in Frankford KY and then back down to the prison and talked to them about it again. They turned it over to the department of internal affairs at the prison to do an investigation and I met with them to tell them what had happened and they were very nice about it. I still have not heard what they found out during the investigation or anything.

I think this is so sad that this caseworker would hold it against my daughter or me for the crimes that her biological father did. That he would even do half the things that he did. I mean if he didn't want his son and my daughter seeing each other all he had to do was say that instead of going about it the way he did. Not only that but if he would have been a decent person and apologized for what he had done I wouldn't even had called his work and made a complaint. I still wonder what the hell he was thinking.

I read a poem today that reminded me of this that I am going to post below. Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any suggestions on what I should do or should have done let me know.



We Are The Survivors by Jenna Kandyce Linch

You pass us everyday out on the street
For a brief moment our eyes meet.

Hesitating, it looks as if you have something to say
But then quickly you go your own way.

Perhaps who you just met failed to register in your mind
Then again, our masks hide us well so you can't see behind.

For years, decades, and even centuries our stories have gone untold
Because the truth about abuse no one wanted to behold.

There's no way that could happen is what they want you to believe
Keeping people in the dark, their lies greatly deceive.

They make us out to be the criminal
Claiming we're the ones with problems and mental.

Most of us have lived the life of an outcast
Since we stood accused and judged on our past.

In the eyes of those who don't understand, we are of lesser value
If they had endured the same trauma, they'd have a different view.

Now it's time for us to set the record straight
The truth can no longer wait.

We've been through hell to get this far
So it's time to let the world know who we are.

We are the ones who grew up in homes torn apart
Yes in life we had a very rough start.

All types of abuse we were forced to endure
From the broken hearts we suffered, there was never found a cure.

What we experienced you can't even begin to imagine
We were captives held in a war we couldn't win.

Things we saw and felt left us forever scarred
From the feelings of shame and guilt, our images got marred.

Black eyes and bruises we had to try to hide
Many times out of fear for our abusers we lied.

Only the outside damage could makeup conceal
Inside us was a different story we couldn't reveal.

Many sleepless nights we spent
Forced to fight for our lives as through a ruthless nightmare we went.

Our only companions sometimes were a ragdoll or teddy bear
When we held them and cried, we felt they did care.

So we wouldn't tell anyone we were threatened into silence
Although what we endured would make even the toughest person wince.

The lives that we knew were not the same
We stayed invisible, going through life without a name.

Ourselves we had to find
Because starting new meant leaving our old identities behind.

Overcoming the pain has at times been a struggle
But we grab life by the horns and we ride that bull.

The memories of the abuse won't ever just go away
It is something that even years later we deal with everyday.

We're just trying to fit together the missing pieces
Making the most of what we have, our chance for a happy ending increases.

No, the life of abuse we did not choose
We are lucky that our lives we didn't lose.

There are many who sadly don't make it out alive
People fail to realize there are those who from abuse never survive.

Those fallen victims and their stories will not go untold
In our hearts, their memories close to us we hold.

They are the reason we survivors continue to fight
To live an abuse free life everyone has the right.

Their names we will always remember
They will not have died in vain for we'll tell their stories of what they had to endure.

It is for survivors and victims all over that we speak out, hoping justice will prevail
For whatever it takes, into those rocky waters we're not afraid to sail.

Now you know who we are
We're the fortunate ones who lived to make it far.

We are the survivors of today
Not backing down, we choose to fight the war on abuse all the way.

'We Are The Survivors' Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch

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